All I want this weekend is for my fiance to give me a Mother’s Day card. All I want is to be called a mommy, just once, sincerely and not with a note of pitty.

Kaden’s angelversary was lovely. I never thought I would be saying that, but it was.

That morning I woke up in tears. My fiance immediately pulled me over to him and held onto me. I told him that I wanted to go and get a balloon for Kaden and he told me that he would like to let it go with me. I was so happy to know that Garrack was thinking about Kaden too. He didn’t forget.

We went out and bought two green balloons. At sunset we stepped into our backyard and each released a balloon. Together we watched Kaden’s balloons float up to the clouds.

It felt so good to know that I wasn’t the only one that thought about Kaden. Garrack told me I never would be the only one and that he does often think about him. It’s the most he’s ever told me about how he feels about losing Kaden. I finally felt some validation in my feelings of our loss.

I hope Kaden enjoyed his balloons and knows how much we love him.

My day just started, but I would put it at a 7.

Garrack is out of town, I’m cleaning the house, I have to go to work later, and I’m now 6 days away from Kaden’s angelversary. :/

Again, I don’t know. Kaden’s first angelversary is next week. We’ll see how things pan out.

I’ve done nothing in prep for Kaden’s angelversary other then requesting that day off of work. I don’t know how to prepare for something like this. I don’t know how I’ll feel or what I’ll think or anything. It scares me.

I would not have told our families that we were pregnant. I would have waited until after we hit around week 15 maybe. Or even further. Sometimes I wish we never told our parents.

We tried to keep it a secret from friends, but people could tell just by looking at me that I was pregnant. I acted different. I looked different. They figured it out pretty quick.